Discovering my old blog

Previous two publishing is not really complete. I just saw them being drafts from 2011 that were never published properly so I barely edited them before pushing them out

I used to write in a blog in my teenage years on another platform. Can't really remember which was it but it was mostly an avenue for venting my frustrations so it could be so embarrassing to read. 

I am aware that my writing is far from perfect. The flow is weird and jumping between multiple ideas happens all the time. I can ramble on without really making any point at all, that reflects the state of my mind and how my thoughts appear to me. It's an incoherent mess. It sounds weird because I do not feel like I am talking to an audience since I have none so far, I am talking to myself.

Also because of some past trauma, I am acutely self conscious about my writing. I enjoy writing fiction as much as discussing bout ideas / concepts that intrigued me but to put it in the public for scrutiny, I wonder how anyone does it. So I have really stopped talking to myself consciously like that, my subconscious is not really verbal but thoughts do get repeated. I know because these subconscious whispers that are are punishing enough to float into consciousness had shaped me to who I am today. 

I read before that every 7 years, our body would have completely replaced every single cell in the body. So by that logic, we are reborn every 7 years. I am no longer the person that was writing in those previous entries. Yet there is continuity, I still think similarly, like similar things. It is a hanging onto my self that keeps a personality intact. 

Just glancing through the previous writings I cannot say I like who I was. I still do not like who I am. But the pain of not being known feels greater than being known and judged. So here I am once again trying to write again. Hoping to be more articulate them my old self in expressing myself. Hoping to find an original idea out of the thousands of ideas that had came to me deep in the middle of sleepless nights.

I think I also have the fear that one day whatever I put online that links to my online identity can be used against me. Knowing my inner most psyche could possibly work to manipulate me into doing something I do not want. Therefore I have chose to change to a pseudo-name

Do we have free will?

did you think every single action you did today came from a conscious thought. if not then how can you say that all of them came from free will?



interestingly, that doesn't mean that we wont be held accountable to our own actions. when it comes to actions that make an impact we are almost certain to be conscious of the effect however inaccurate our prediction of the future is, we then make a conscious decision because we want to do what is best. or can we count on that?


what about the case where we say it din occur to us that we could have killed someone, our memory slipped, man slaughter or accident? this was obviously a lack 


what about the case ignorance? 

On coherence

It is only through the process of articulating an idea that you discover how much you understood it and more importantly whether it made sense. I followed up with a question after this --  "must it be another mind on the receiving end for this to work?"

Assuming that sanity is actually not such a grey area but a relatively fine line of divide I would just have to have myself accessed and I would be the perfect person to explain to and bounce idea off. However we've all find out the norm is not what I suggested, you bounce ideas off as many people as you find (sharp minds are definitely more helpful for your cause) and finally you manage to convince yourself you've got yourself a potential truth here.

I find it counter intuitive here that coherence in all ideas did not made them necessarily true and right. Even after considering fact

I am troubled by how humanity would rather have one war after another because of a difference in opinion

hitler's atrocity i think is could be the result of  letting conflicting and errorneous idea going uncorrected.

a concept can coherent but wrong because the group of people agreeing that the concept is coherent share a common flaw in their knowledge, they are all mistaken about something

the greatest step forward in the search for truth would be culling theories through debunking their fundamentals. because an understanding based on errorneous beliefs